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Just kneaded

January 6, 2011

So, the whole goals thing is going great.  Richie and I donated 8 large bags of unwanted items, threw away 3 large bags of trash, and recycled, restored and rethought a lot about what we keep in this house.  I think we’re both on the way to a healthier mindset, and the little piles in all the corners of the house are starting to disappear.  For so long we’ve settled into the habit of just sorting and moving those piles around instead of facing them.  I mean, I think a lot of people have that tendency, but the motto of our current experience has got to be “simplify simplify” and we are going to simplify so well that we’ll impress ourselves.

So, checking in with an earlier goal list:

De-junk.  We’re well on our way.  The front closet is cleaned out, and the kitchen cabinets and pantry, and next week I plan to tackle the art supplies, toys, and work stations.

De-tox. I’ve acquired a few glass containers, and have been preparing tons of healthy snacks and meals for the family.  Richie and Irene ate at RGB on her birthday, but otherwise, I’ve been providing the family with all of its 2011 sustenance, including Judah’s baby food.  All fresh and healthy ingredients, although Richie and I did have a bit of a candy binge last night, but oh well.

De-compress. To be honest, this one has sort of been the hardest.  I’m still all worked up about the state of things at the theatre, of course, and I’ve been very focused on filling every moment of the kids’ days with fun/educational/loving activities, which is good.  But I’ve hardly taken a moment to breathe or shower, let alone relax.  I have been walking, and drinking coffee, and watching snatches of forgotten tv episodes while snuggling my sleeping baby.  Today the kids are at Grammy’s so I can have lunch with mom, update the blog, knead some bread, pick up some things, nap.

Life at the house is so wonderful, though, and there’s something indescribably calming about waiting for Richie at the end of the day, lighting the lamps and setting the table.  I love the idea of him coming home to his warm supper and his super snuggly babies.  I think everyone who works hard deserves that, and I’m happy to be the type of person who is capable of providing it for him.  I’m grateful that I have the inner and physical strength to be the mom of this family.

***

I’m having a horrible time struggling with my mother-in-law’s mental illness.  I’ve begged her to get help, but she doesn’t listen to me or anyone else.  Part of me feels like retreating- it’s just not my problem.  But I think of the kids and what they miss out on if I do that.  Confronting her doesn’t work.  Ultimatums do not work.  Nicole recommended focusing on our reaction, and making plans for how we are going to respond to her, leaving the ball in her court.  I can’t help but feel resentment, though, like I want her to know just how hard she makes things.  Like I need revenge.  It’s unhealthy, and it’s running through my brain, all the time.  I want action, but I have to settle for utter hopelessness.

But, not now.  Now I’m going to have lunch with my mother and gossip and enjoy myself.

Happy New Year!

 

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